Love can come but the lack of commitment can make you lose it, know Julio’s story
Love is always accompanied by a commitment that can be increasingly heavy for some couples, but if you want to move forward you will have to break down the barriers.
Julio decided to share with EN PAREJA a little about what he has experienced with his girlfriend. You can also send your story to [email protected] and receive a response from the writer Juan Tonelli .
"I’m Julio, 35 years old and I’m engaged to my girlfriend but I don’t want to get married, she pressures me and tells me that by the time of the wedding, the problem is that I don’t want to take that step with her yet, I know I love her and she’s a wonderful woman but I don’t feel ready to go down the aisle yet.
Her family has already told her to leave me because I didn’t move forward and she actually thinks she’s thinking of leaving me because of that, what should I do if I’ve already talked to her many times about the case and she doesn’t seem to listen to me.
Worst of all, I know that she wants to have children and says that her biological clock will not be able to wait the time I need, and it is very true. Should I take the risk or should I go on with my life alone?
RESPONSE OF JUAN TONELLI
Dear July:
The first point is that nothing good comes from pressure. And much less love. If you don’t feel safe, confident, wanting to get married, there’s no point in forcing things. And not to mention having children. It is too important a step -perhaps the most important of our lives- to do it because we feel compelled. Definitely not.
Of course, life often sends us into the ring without our consent: for example, an unwanted pregnancy, which we decide to take charge of and move on, and will mark our entire lives. But this is not your case, you can choose.
On the other hand, your doubt is correct, about the fact that sometimes the opportunity is presented bald. Or to put it more clearly: opportunities lose all their hair, while we hesitate. Sometimes you have to jump into the pool, not knowing what will happen. Life has parts that is a leap into the void.
She too has the right to have children and feel pressured by her biological clock. They are all real elements and add to the complexity of the situation that you pose so well.
And although there are many couples who end up getting married because one pressures the other, and there are also many couples who have children because one pressures the other, where some do well and others do not, from my point of view it is not good. A child should not be the result of pressure because time is running out, but a mature, confident and serene desire on both sides.
My recommendation would be that you talk to her again, that you explain to her that it is something too important to make it forced, and that it is not that you do not love her but that you do not feel mature and prepared for this decision. Of course you will have to respect her desire to be a mother and her eventual decision to separate. It is a real risk to take.
If he is unable to listen because what is happening to you is very painful and unacceptable for his life plan, I think he will only ratify that it would be good for everyone to follow their path. If you understand in peace, it may happen that you choose to separate anyway and you will be fine. Or she may also choose to continue with you, trusting that perhaps you will mature the decision, but being aware that she is risking that this does not happen, or that she may not have children.
The central point is precisely that: respect oneself, but also respect the other. Imposing our need on the other is unfair and leads to many problems. It is better to state what we want, what we can, and respect what the other decides to do, but assuming ourselves as we really are, and not as the other needs.
And one more thing; It is never good to think that if we let this opportunity pass, another one will not appear. The idea that it is "now or never" is rarely helpful in making good decisions. A huge hug and encouragement!
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