I have been in a relationship for 10 years, with 2 children in common. We have been dating since we were 15 years old. In between there were many crises, turbulence, deceptions, disappointments.
I was a very young mother and during that first pregnancy, I discovered one of her infidelities. I hated it, I got angry, I cried, I suffered.
But with the birth of our first child, I forgave him and chose again. Before long, we became parents for the second time. At first, I had a hard time letting go of his deception, I was suspicious all the time and blamed him.
As time went by, I understood that if I chose him again, he did not deserve my reproaches, because it was my decision.
Unfortunately, there were more deceptions and he always denied them to me. Until I resigned myself, and kept on pretending to be distracted.
Over the years I had two brief and unimportant romances, as if wanting to fill a void. But nothing makes me happy. I feel incomplete and I always remember the bad times.
I cannot leave behind the betrayals and disappointments. I don’t know how to go on. I have no sexual desires, I have no desires for love. And at this point, I have no desire to live.
I was overcome by habit and resignation. I feel that separation is unthinkable in my life, that I could not live without him. But I’m not happy with him either. I long for a sincere, real and passionate love that I will never get to know. Lourdes
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